“What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?”
It takes a very mature person to realize that loving someone is not the same as being perfect. We are all humans and we all make mistakes, but when a mistake proves a person is flawed, we wonder, “What is to stop them from making the same mistakes again?” To the ignorant mind, the people we love aren’t supposed to have flaws, even if we ourselves have them. When we are naïve, a person hurts us, and our first instinct is to run away from it, or hurt them back. We put blame on the other person and act out of hatred, instead of forgiving their flaws or trying to understand them.
When you fall in love with someone, it’s easy to think that they are perfect, and that they will never do anything to hurt you, but then they slip up, and if we aren’t mature enough to accept it and move on, we allow ourselves to imagine what else is out there. When we lose the feeling that we had in the beginning of the relationship, we want to start over with someone new to get those feelings back, because we think that trying again will keep us from having to deal with imperfections. We think that somewhere out there the grass is greener. But if we look at a simple statistic, we can see that starting over isn’t always the answer. Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. So why do we think that finding someone new will fix our problems? Why do we leave the one’s that love us, only to find that a relationship with someone else will be just as troublesome?
The other ignorant solution to dealing with problems, is to hurt someone back. If they come to us asking for more, it means we are not good enough, so we get defensive and make them feel guilty. If they forget to do something or don’t check in with us, then they don’t care about us, and we make them feel bad. But putting the blame on them creates more problems and insecurities, which will then turn to more hating and hurting. You are allowing yourself to hurt someone who truly loves you, because you have chosen to be vengeful, instead of forgive.
Forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting, and some things are definitely harder to forget if they have caused you to lose trust in a person. I know certain problems are harder than others to work through and sometimes better to just walk away from. But walking away from something just because it isn’t perfect will not solve your problems and may hurt you more in the long run. I would much rather choose forgiveness and understanding and try to see something from another perspective. No two people in love are the same, and I would much rather work on love, than provoke hate. I would rather fight with the person I chose to fight with and have patience with them, then jump ship. I believe that is what maturity is; I believe that is what love is.