Excuse Me, Your Masculinity is Showing.

Is it just me or is it really hard to talk to people of the opposite sex? It’s almost like men and women are on two totally different wavelengths and when faced with a problem, they often approach it in two COMPLETELY different ways.

Just the other day, I tried approaching a guy about something that was bothering me, and he came into the conversation with SO much contempt, and so much strength, that I felt attacked before he even knew what was bothering me.

This isn’t the first time I have felt this way. In my past relationship, we couldn’t see eye to eye no matter how hard I tried. More often than not, our arguments consisted of me blubbering some incoherent thought about what he did, without really being able to explain how it made me feel.

As long as I knew I was hurt, I felt compelled to make things right, and tried to express myself. However, I would back myself up with very little logic and my ex would throw a statement at me that, while upsetting, had a lot of truth to it. He would back away in an effort to protect himself from further scrutiny, and I would subdue my emotions in an effort to be agreeable.

It is since then, I have been approaching conflicts with my male counterparts in a much more logical sense. Albeit, it took me a long time to get to this point, and I still really struggle with it, I find that I have to be as concise as possible when explaining the inconceivable chamber that is my feminine brain.

I am more times than not apt to lead with my emotions, and when met with logical resistance, I give in to my masculine suppressor as a way to avoid their emotional distress, ultimately harming my femininity so that I will not harm them.

I have learned to approach more situations using logic and they have given me a positive result. Whether at work, or in interpersonal relationships, I find myself gathering my thoughts, and presenting them in a linear way. I think to myself, well this is easy. Why couldn’t I just say what was bothering me in the past? Most people I have talked to lately have said they prefer me to tell them exactly what makes me upset, so they don’t have to be left guessing. Makes total sense to me!

When briefly but logically expressing my thoughts, I leave more conversations feeling accomplished and validated. My thoughts are recognized, and I, in turn, am able to recognize more strength and security within myself.

Seems like a pretty simple solution to resolving an argument, right? Using logic instead of cowering in fear? But even after logically explaining myself, I still feel the same emotions as before. Yes, I feel a bit better knowing I got my point across, but that isn’t necessarily a resolution either.

Sometimes after an argument, I am left lost, more emotional, and even more conflicted than before because I was overly assertive or overly submissive, which makes me feel unresolved.

Learning to approach things from a male perspective doesn’t cure my desire for my emotions to be understood, while I’m sure men don’t always want to have this sort of business partner relationship. After all, we all have the same emotions; men are not robots, and women are not balls of tears.

Having a romantic relationship where you have too much of one energy doesn’t work. Many of my previous relationships are hard evidence that people with too much masculinity can leave you emotionally damaged. They also prove that having too much femininity causes you to give away your strength in an effort to please others.

Where is the balance? How can we ensure that we see more eye to eye in our relationships without sacrificing our own personal well being?

Masculine and feminine energy both exist within all of us, and both are necessary to feel whole, no matter what sex you are or how you identify yourself. However, because of how we are taught and our environment, one energy may play a more critical role in how we think, act, and behave.

Too much masculine energy gives you your narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths. They have an overactive left side of the brain which leads them to malicious behavior and suppression of emotions.

The left side of the brain possesses analytic and rational thinking, competition, determination, linear thinking, logical thought, and action. Dominant left side thinking makes people rely so heavily on logic and results, that they manipulate others in an effort to take control of their own lives. They believe they need to be able to operate independently of others, which causes a lack in understanding, and they ultimately step on everyone who gets in the way of their desired outcomes.

Masculine energy places a high focus on strength of the self, which is important to make one feel in control of their place in society and their basic rights. But, having too much masculine energy neglects the value of others. People with a strong masculine energy may be great at commanding attention and looking you dead in the eye, but people with weak masculine energy, also known as weak sense of self or insecurity, are easily intimidated and give up if they foresee failure.

The feminine energy contains qualities like intuition, compassion, emotion, creativity, empathy, collaboration, and right brain thinking. People with a lot of feminine energy place a high value on others and want to help others by using support, cooperation, and advice. A strong feminine energy balances well with masculine energy, because it does not wish to interfere with one’s life, but rather help one get through life. This energy understands that one must let go of control and not interfere with another’s right to make their own choices.

Feminine energy is often very complex. While masculine energy is linear, feminine energy goes in all different directions. People with weak feminine energy, often need masculine energy to make them feel supported and balanced as opposed to scattered and unstable. Often times a female will put herself in the hands of someone with a strong sense of self and masculinity, ultimately causing them to submit and lose sight of their own value.

People with a lot of feminine energy, may be great at empathy and cooperation, but their “goodness” often outweighs their strength, causing them to become victims of abuse.

In society and in the workplace, it is easier to get ahead by going after what you want. More often than not, where there is money and power involved, people put themselves ahead of others, and we become a very masculine society.

Even with more strong women in the workplace, feminine energy takes a back seat, as people are taught to subdue their emotions in an effort to stay determined and get ahead. People who lack the ability to put themselves ahead of others, are taught that they are unable to be successful and try to mimic a masculine strength to get ahead.

This system causes us to stop being creative and start being competitive. We absorb this masculine energy so that we are able to stand on our own two feet and so no one threatens our independence. We learn to value ourselves and be successful, or put our feelings last and let others get want THEY want, forgetting that we need a balance in order to feel complete.

If my ex had told me that he wanted to buy a house, I would start thinking of a floor plan, drapes, wall decor, furniture, etc. This wouldn’t be in an effort to control him, but rather an attempt at supporting him with my natural creativity. I would take what I thought he wanted and start building on the idea in all different directions. Him, being unable to recognize my compassion, would feel like he was being controlled, and his strong sense of masculinity would not see the value I was adding to the house.

But is important to see the value of combining these two different energies into one. 

Greed and selfishness are a cause of too much masculine energy. Masculine energy is very easily threatened because it threatens our sense of self. Feminine energy causes us to feel fear and vulnerability, and as a result, we weaken our femininity in an attempt to feel strong.

It is possible to have both compassion and strength, but we must learn to be aware of the different energies people have.

I was wrong to think that leading with my emotions was the problem in my relationships. While sometimes, it is considered weak to have too many emotions, having a balance of masculine and feminine energy allows us to recognize the value of ourselves and others.

The problem arises when we want to have the strength to manipulate others, or think we must rely on people with strong masculine energy to save ourselves.

People with feminine energy have so much more value than they choose to believe. They have intuition, creativity, and vision, and can help lead someone down a road they have never been on before.

If you have a very one-sided masculine or feminine relationship, then one person, or both people, will almost always feel incomplete. You can’t have a weak woman behind a strong man, and a weak man behind a strong woman. That is why we have the expression, behind every strong man, is an even STRONGER woman. This has nothing to do with being male or female, but EVERYTHING to do with strengthening our creativity, compassion, and empathy. Those who are able to understand compassion and develop their feminine side work towards the greater good of others and don’t fall in to competition.

Having a strong feminine energy will allow us to lift people up, instead of tear them down.

Sometimes men are met with women who possess too much masculine energy, and vice versa. It causes us to have contempt of people’s actual SEX when really, we just have contempt for people who are greedy, selfish, and don’t practice compassion.

But we all should learn to strengthen our feminine energy. It is okay to be upset, and it is okay to be afraid, but we should all recognize the importance of owning these emotions. This will then pave the way to a more balanced society, both intellectually and emotionally.

Xoxo,
B.


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