(Skip the intro if you just want to read the About Me below!)
So occasionally (not often), people will send me email via my writer’s profile on Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, or directly through my blog. I have contact sections on all three, and try to encourage people to write to me.
I’ve had friends directly ask me to write about a topic, or people send me direct messages or tweets, which is AWESOME and I love it, but I want to try to get this thing going. I’m aware that I have, like, 10 followers, but I still want to know what those 10 people want me to write about.
I always have something to say, because my mind is constantly filled with thoughts, but I also like to be challenged and write about things that other people might be going through. If you have a lot on your mind, talk to me! You can fill out the form anonymously and just make up a name and email… although I may not be able to respond to you. Not really sure how it works yet.
But anyway, I want to do this Ask B thing pretty frequently. Maybe every week, maybe every other week. It might take a while to get there, and I’ll still write other articles apart from these, of course, but I’ve realized that having a voice and an outlet is only part of the reason I love to write. The other part: learning from all of you.
So without further ado, I will begin my second Ask B. These are some questions I’ve had in my inbox for a little while that I thought were really fun. Maybe if you guys know a little bit more about me, you will feel comfortable sharing more about you.
Q: So where do you build inspiration from?
A: Although you’re the first person to explicitly ask me this, I get a lot of people asking, “So who is this article about?” or, “That poem seems so sad. Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?” And while it’s true, I do build a lot of inspiration from my personal life, the root of all my inspiration is about being connected and being open.
I think a lot of times in our daily life, we feel disconnected. Whether it’s from stress, fear, or just general anxiety, we try to detach from the world around us. I’ve done this before many times, and made myself closed off to other people in order to protect myself. I ended up inhibiting both my emotional and physical energy, and ultimately inhibiting my growth. I felt tired and sad all the time, and I decided that’s no way to live.
Once I stopped blocking this emotional energy, and started embracing the idea that the world is setting me up for insight, I began to look for the little lessons all around me. You can be sad that things aren’t going your way, or you can make lemonade out of lemons.
I don’t think anything I write is sad, or maliciously directed towards one person. Although some of it seems depressing and some of it is inspired by characters in my life, I try to calmly look for the meaning in my surroundings and finding clarity in any given situation.
I think, “How am I feeling today?” or search for how I may have felt on a previous day, and utilize that emotion or energy to teach myself a valuable lesson.
I believe everyone could be a writer, since everyone has a story. To find that inspiration, you just have to have a childlike curiosity, and not let the world defeat you. I embrace my lessons, and I have no problem sharing it with all of you.
Q: What do you think the most important aspect of living a good life is?
A: I’ll try to not make all of my answers lengthy but these are some pretty intense questions! I may have to write an entire article on this one!
But to be as brief as possible I’m going to be very cliche: love everything.
From someone who has been judgmental, negative, stressed, afraid, controlling, all the ego-driven emotions, I know you won’t have a good life if you are leading with your head instead of your heart.
It is SO much easier said than done but you absolutely can not control every situation. Whoever you think you are, or whatever you think will make you happy, chances are it won’t become your reality until you create your own happiness, and you do so by letting go of the negativity and not letting each bad moment define your whole life.
Think of different aspects of your life: people, places, jobs, relationships, and what is the first thing that comes to mind? If you are thinking, “this sucks, that sucks, he’s hurting me, she’s being disrespectful, he’s being an asshole, she’s a slut, I ruin everything” then take a moment, take a deep breath, and listen to your heart.
I told you it’s cliche but honestly, your heart is not capable of making you sad. That stuff is all in your head and you gotta let that shit go, both mentally and physically. If you lead with your head, you’re going to over analyze and judge everything and who wants to be around someone who is overly critical all the time? It’s unhealthy.
I don’t like myself when I act like that. I like myself when I’m being kind and carefree. Loving myself and everyone around me is true happiness.
Q: What’s your ideal date?
A: Yay, short answers. 🙂
Just put your all into it and be respectful. You don’t need to spend a ridiculous amount of money or take me to a five star restaurant. It’s more about how you treat the date than the actual date itself.
Even if it’s a first date and you aren’t sure how you feel yet, treat the date with respect. Act like you give a shit and show that you are trying. Maybe it’s awful and we’ll never go out again but I’ll tell you one thing, I never left a date with a guy who acted like he wasn’t happy to be there and thought, “Let’s go out again!” If you aren’t happy to be there, then I’d honestly rather you cancel on me.
Q: Top 5 movies?
A: Ugh, don’t do this to me, I love movies so much. TV shows I could do five because I don’t watch that many, but I watch ALL THE MOVIES.
Okay, these are probably my favorite with the honorable mentions being all VERY close to getting on this list:
1. West Side Story
2. American Beauty
3. American History X.
4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
5. Robin Hood Men in Tights
Honorable mentions (in order): 500 Days of Summer, Silver Linings Playbook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, All the Indiana Jones Movies (especially The Last Crusade), Inglorious Bastards, A Beautiful Mind, Shawshank Redemption, Elf, Garden State, Wish I Was Here, Deadpool, Gone Girl, Quiz Show, Milk
I think I got everything considering how hard that was, but I’m already thinking of more so let’s move on..
Q: Pet peeves?
A: LOVE this question… *stretches* *cracks knuckles* *begins passionately typing*
Okay, so definitely when people don’t take ANYTHING seriously. If you’re sarcastic that’s fine. But being overly sarcastic and not being able to have a serious conversation bugs me. Especially if I’m asking you a question. I do not want a joke, I want an answer. (Unless I’m in a good mood or it’s particularly hilarious.)
Not keeping someone informed with matters pertaining to them. If you have to meet me somewhere, and we have plans, or ANYTHING YOU’RE DOING that includes me, please do not tell me one minute before that something changed. KEEP ME IN THE LOOP. It takes me a significant amount of time to get ready and plan my days, and it takes you one second to send a text. Haters will say it’s controlling but, like, come on people, it’s not hard.
And the biggest one… STOP TEXTING ME HEY (or any other variation). I don’t like it. I do not want to have a conversation with you in the middle of my day about nothing. If you have something to say please get to the point. Texting is about getting immediate responses to timely matters and getting vital information. I want to be focused on what I’m doing and you are distracting me. Unless you are my family or I am dating you, there is no reason you have to talk to me on a Tuesday to see how I’m doing. My friends know that I will go out of my way to talk to them when I have time. If you want to have a casual conversation, we can do it in person or over the phone, which I also will make time for. Otherwise, I probably just don’t want to talk to you at all, so you saying hi is just irritating me. I know I can just not answer but I have a problem with ignoring people that I don’t really understand so please just spare me.
I’m sure there’s plenty more but you get the idea. There isn’t all that much that gets me riled up but those few things… hot damn.
Q: Ideal vacation spots?
A: I want to travel a heck of a lot more but here’s some top ones on my list:
1. Too many places in the US to name but mainly I want to go on all the hiking trails and see all the national parks. I need more nature in my life.
Q: If you can bring back someone from the dead and have a conversation with them, who would it be and why?
A: Ooooh I don’t know!! I guess I should probably say some really smart philosopher or civil rights activist, like Aristotle or Ghandi.
But honestly I’d much rather hang out with Natalie Wood, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, and John Lennon. Because I’m obsessed with the 50s and 60s, and also with musicians and actors (thanks mom and dad).
Q: Your favorite characteristics you hold vs your worst flaws?
A: Hmmm… I understand your question and know your intentions are good… but I’m going to spin it a little.
I wouldn’t say “worst” flaws. They are just flaws, which in my opinion, are never a bad thing. I would also probably just say “your favorite and least favorite characteristics” since flaws are just characteristics of everyone’s personality.
But now that I got that out of the way, I have found that my “flaws” have become some of my favorite characteristics. Our settings and circumstances change us, but I think we can always adjust our flaws, since they are extremely subjective. Most of the time, it’s other people making us believe that they are bad, or our mind playing tricks on us.
Some characteristics of my personality are that I am nurturing, considerate, a good listener, and empathetic. I think it’s easy in certain situations, especially when you are unsure of yourself, to let people walk all over you when you possess all of these things. You put too much emphasis on other people and let other people’s opinions affect your own.
I wrote about this is my previous article, “Excuse Me, Your Masculinity is Showing,” and I can confidently say those things because I have been accused of having too much feminine energy, being too passive, or being a “weak woman.” People have told me that I have a problem with putting other’s before myself, or ignoring my friends when I have a boyfriend because I put SO MUCH ENERGY into taking care of another person. I think that is because I didn’t recognize my strength, and my ability to have my OWN life.
Those accusations held a lot of truth because I possessed characteristics that, if used poorly, were detrimental to my health. I didn’t think very highly of those negative accusations from people who were close to me, and therefore, believed those were “my worst flaws.”
But that simply meant I had to adjust those characteristics and balance them out with some of my other characteristics: my strength and my confidence. I always had all of these characteristics, but the only reason I couldn’t confidently say they were my favorite, was because some of them were taking a backseat, and I felt like they were disappearing.
Now that that chapter of my life is over, all of these characteristics are my favorite. I am becoming the person that I want to be by taking parts I like most about myself, and bringing them forward. I want to be happy and make other people around me happy, and to do that, I simply needed to be aware of my flaws that were causing harm. I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses, but I can work on them.
I am grateful that I possess integrity and self-awareness. I am grateful that I possess strength. I am grateful that I am considerate. I am grateful that I listen. I am grateful that I care so much about other people, because it is the people I care about, that taught me the most. I am grateful for everything that I am, and everything that I am not. After all, what a shame it would be to live through my whole life, in this body with this soul, and not unconditionally love myself.