Dear my (could’ve been if you hadn’t ghosted) love,
You are by far the worst thing in my life. Every morning, I wake up to a text message from my best friend, telling me not to talk to you. Yet I never listen, because nothing can stand in the way of me belittling myself, and nothing can withstand the test of whether or not you will detract even more value from my life with increased interactions.
Today was one of those wonderful days, where I realized how lucky I would’ve been if you never spoke to me. I remember when we met at that crowded bar, and our eyes locked from across the room. You gave me a look like you had to have me, so you ordered me a vodka club, and I wish I could tell you what happened after that, but I honestly don’t remember. It was (probably) so romantic.
Ever since that night, my life has been filled with misery and anxiety, wondering if and when I will ever hear from you again. The best gift you have ever given me was the gift of your phone number, wrapped with zero intention of ever returning my calls or sending me sweet, well thought out messages consisting of more than two to three words. It is also coincidentally, the worst gift I have ever gotten. So thank you.
We have so many wonderful memories, even though I can’t technically count that first night (I’m almost certain it was as wonderful as you are). But let’s not forget the time when you invited me to your friend’s house, and then didn’t talk to me the whole night. I got ready for three hours, and was looking pretty spiffy, if I say so myself. It’s a shame you were flirting with my friend Stacey the whole time, but at least your “friend” Chuck seemed to notice me.
After that I received almost five and a half “U up?” texts over the course of three months, and that is time completely wasted that I will never get back. To think of all those sleepless nights I waited up for you and could’ve spent with someone with actual human decency, who appreciated me for the goddess that I am. But instead, I stayed loyal to the one man out of every one I know who more than likely didn’t deserve it.
Ours is a love story for the ages. Most love penetrates even the coldest of hearts, but I feel like I manage to find practically every exception, and you, my dear, are one of those exceptions. You are a cold, heartless man, who came into my life like fire, and left like a sad, little puddle. Who seemed like he had it all figured out when he decided to make a move on me, and then figured he could slowly back away without me noticing.
Well, honey, not only did I notice, but I think I can confidently say you might be the worst person I have ever met. I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life, but please God make it stop and I promise to never, ever, EVER do it again.
One less lonely girl