What am I doing wrong? It’s a question I hear asked often, and a question I used to ask myself pretty frequently.
In relationships, it’s easy to think you’re not suitable when your significant other is scared of you. When you feel like you’re pushing them away, you reflect and try to work on the relationship, and all other aspects of your life seem to fall apart. Fear starts to play tricks on you, and you question yourself, afraid that you may be doing something wrong.
Then what happens? The relationship stops working. Your head is filled with doubts and it seems like other people are doubting you. You feel discouraged because you lost, and you can’t seem to ever win. Now you’re single and dating countless people who won’t give you a chance, so you ask yourself the same question: Why are they afraid of me? What am I doing wrong?
Well, the truth is, whether you are single or in a relationship, the answer is exactly the same.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the people you are attracting.
When I looked back at my track record, I noticed that I worshiped these men that seemed to have it all together, when they really didn’t. They had a great job, their own house, their own dog, and life seemed so easy for them. I was afraid that since I didn’t have those things, I needed to worship them in order to be loved by them.
Knowing all the things in my life I still wanted to accomplish, I looked for these men. I thought it was wrong to not have everything together, and I stopped working on myself and started relying on their success.
It wasn’t until I became single AF that everything started to come together. I accepted that maybe I wasn’t EXACTLY where I wanted to be in life and I started thinking of the things that I always wanted to do. The things I needed to accomplish for ME, and not for anybody else. And surprisingly, they weren’t the same things that society wanted me to accomplish. It became less about finding a man, finding a great job, and earning a sizable paycheck. My life became about taking those dance lessons I always wanted to take; learning to cook; taking yoga classes three times a week; reading those books that were been stacking up on my bookshelf. My life became about doing all the things that I wanted to do, and I started to become the person I wanted to become without anybody’s help.
Now, the switch has been flipped. I’m proud of who I am. I might still be intimidating to some people, but I’m no longer scaring people away because I myself am scared of failure. I’m scaring them away because I’m not afraid. Because I know that failure comes from not being happy with oneself, and even if everything in my life isn’t perfect, I’m succeeding by simply going out there and working on me.
Now, they’re scared because they’re the ones that don’t have it together. They’re scared because the only thing they have is their job, their looks, their salary. They’re scared because maybe they won’t find someone who has all the things going for them that I have; someone who’s good at dancing, who likes to go hiking, who knows random facts about astrology, who smiles getting out of bed in the morning.
Find the things you need to do to make you happy to be alive. If you feel like you need to improve, do it for yourself. You might scare the shit out of some people, but you will no longer attract fear. You will attract power, and you might lose a thousand more times, but I promise one day you will attract the type of strong person in your life that you were always afraid of, because you just weren’t there yet.